The National Guard.
They sent me (another) letter today. I’d thought I’d post it because Lydia and I had fun tearing it up. Below is the letter (in bold) and our remarks in italics.
Dear Galena,
G: well, at least they spelled my name right. That’s more than a lot of people do… Usually it’s Gelena or something…
Are you one of millions of young Americans who feel a special responsibility to guard our environment?
G: well, yes, more or less. But not in the way you mean. L: Judging from our hike we just got back from, I don’t think so. G: True, I mean, they were “chip tossing”.
Would you like an opportunity to make protecting our environment more than a cause?
L: Oh? So what’s more than a cause? Like, a worldview? Our life’s mission?
Maybe you would like to make it part of a career that will allow you to help protect our natural resources while serving your country and your community?
G: I don’t think so, but thanks for taking so much interest in me. L: Maybe not. I don’t feel so hot about a career in government right now.
If so, you need to take a serious look at today’s Army National Guard.
L: Well, since we already decided that it’s not so, is it okay if I take a not so serious look at today’s Army National Guard? G: Wait, don’t I have any other options?!
When I say today’s Guard is “green,” I’m not just talking about our uniforms!
L: Ew. They have green uniforms? I can tell you one thing, they’re never getting me into one of those! G: Oh, I don’t know… I look pretty good in green.
The fact is, in addition to our core mission of protecting America, today’s Guard is leading the way in dozens of innovative programs that help protect our environment and conserve our natural resources.
G: and spend our tax dollars… Funny they didn’t mention that part. L: Notice that he (it is a he, right?) says that their core mission is to protect America. And yet the entire letter is focusing on the greeness of those awful uniforms.
It’s true.
L: Aha! Here they finally are breaking through to me. I can see now that they do give us a little credit and automatically assume that we can’t possibly take them seriously and so they of course must allay our doubts by affirming that “it’s all true”.
From nurturing wolf cubs in Minnesota and preserving thousands of acres of habitat for endangered species, to introducing wind power in New Mexico, the Guard is at the forefront of enviromental awareness and responsibility.
G: All I have to say, is that nuturing wolf cubs is at the very top of my list of things to do in my life. NOT! L: Wind power in New Mexico, huh? Hmm…maybe they’re connected with Monsanto too! Did I ever tell you about the horrendous evils… G: uh, sis, let’s not go there ‘k? I want to be in bed before midnight tonight.
In addition to cleaning up after natural disasters and fighting forest fires, we’re showing the private sector that even a massive military operation like ours–with fleets of aircraft, land vehicles, tons of heavy equipment and hundreds of thousands of personnel–can have a positive impact on the environment.
L: Oh, yeah, of course America is invincible. With these “fleets of aircraft, land vehicles, tons of heavy equipment and hundreds of thousands of personnel” we couldn’t possibly ever end up being deployed to the smoldering badlands of the Middle East, now could we? Why is it taking us so long over there again?
In addition to being the nation’s “environmental first responders” to toxic spills, earthquakes, hurricanes, floods, forest fires and other ecological diasters, Guard units across the country are pioneering the use of renewable energy, sustainability, protection of endangered species and rehabiliation of damaged ecosystems.
L: I’m not against rehabilating damaged ecosystems but why don’t we just not damage them in the first place. The primary cause of damaged ecosystems are big businesses working in close relationship with big government…not private owners.
We’re leading the way in recycling and a host of other initiatives to respect and restore our precious natural resources and reduce wastes.
More importantly, we’re fostering a sense of environmental awarenesss and stewardship, not just within the Guard, but in our communities as well.
Does this sound like the kind of team you would like to be part of?
G & L: Nope!
You should know the Guard is different from any other branch of the U.S. military. The Guard is made up of “Citizen-Soldiers” who usually serve part-time.
L (when she stopped laughing): First time I’ve heard the phrase “Citizen-Soldier”. Usually serve part-time, huh? They sure are way behind the times. Don’t they know that our illustrious President is ending the war by deploying all soldiers to the Mid-East?
Unlike other military services, when you join the Guard, you can train part-time near your hometown. That’s because there are over 3,200 Guard armories in the United States and its territories, so chances are, there’s a Guard unit close to where you live.
The Guard offers excellent opportunities for young men and women just like you. Including college scholarships and training in a choice of over 200 exciting careers.
G: WOAH! They put the young “men” before the “women”. Don’t they know that’s implying that men are superior to women?! I feel so oppresed right now. L: Sickening, very sickening. I don’t know what the country’s coming to…. Well, I guess I do, sort of.
And some of the Guard traing you receive could count for college credit.
When it comes to pay and benefit, no branch of the U.S. military can do more for its members than the Army National Guard! That’s because, on top of the excellent benefits available to all military branches, Guard members get additional benefits from their state as well.
Whether defending our homeland, assisting the victims of diasters or protecing the environment, for over 370 years the Guard has been there, ready and willing to help.
I urge you to explore your future with the Guard right away.
L: Read what I said above and you will see that I just did. G: Likewise.
Together we can make a difference.
G: I think I could make more of a difference by NOT joining and and instead raising up children to fear God. Strange as that may seem to you. And no, don’t tell me that I can do both. L: Likewise.
G: Anyway, that’s the letter. And as a note: We both have a high respect for the men who defend our country. However, first of all, I don’t believe it’s the woman’s job. Second of all, their job is to defend our freedom, not nuture wolf cubs in Minnosota. I think that should be left to the wolves. L: And certainly their job is not to wear ugly green suits…although I suppose I have to admit that pink would be worse.